“If Your Dong Can’t Gong a Gong”
A Lost Dr. Seuss Poem
by David Drury
If your dong can’t gong a gong, with a ringing kind of banging song
It may not be a dong you see, for a tiny branch makes not a tree.
It may not be a dong at all, for with one brick can you build a wall?
With one inch can you make ten? Not without a nine-inch friend.
But don’t despair all day long, if your gongless dong can’t gong a gong
Some ears find queer that ringing kind of banging song.
Some say bricks are better than walls, (go ahead, say it if you’ve got the balls)
For if Humpty Dumpty had shunned that old wall (for it was very very tall)
And chosen rather to sit on a brick, like some tiny dickless dick
Would he have fallen? No , not at all.
if your dong can’t gong a gong, with a ringing kind of banging song
It may not be a dong you’re swinging, but a ding you’re ting-ting-tinging
“Dang!” You declare. “What is a ding?”
A ding is a tinkling tiny thing. A whimper, a whisper, a sad little chime
A quivering prayer on the tongue of a mime.
A ding is not wrong, but it can’t gong a gong, with a ringing kind of banging song
A ding is a cock, but it aint no bling bling, it can’t fly a kite, it can’t wear a sock.
It can’t do impressions of Sinatra or Cash, can’t smoke a cigar or dash the forty yard dash.
Nothing can make a ding a dong, not pills or pumps or pulling all day long
But what can make a dong a ding? Lots and lots of frightful things
A well-placed kick, a girl who clings
Or one who shows her pad with wings
These are dreadful, frightful things
Who most likely has a ding? Any inbred English king.
Fabio is surely cursed, Dane Cook, Cher and Fred Durst.
but then again they hit the bong
That will really ding your dong.
This sing-ey song is long as a listing dong. Left or right? No right or wrong.
So if you can, then gong that gong with a ringing kind of banging song
And if you can’t, then buy a Chevy, find a girl who’s getting heavy
She’ll cook and clean and do the baking, and if she’s loud, she’s probably faking.
But whether ding or whether dong, never ever wear a thong. That is wrong.