stephanie drury

ample and stately land-owning dongs

Here’s the bio my husband David wrote for my podcast Dongtini:

“If you can have your pearl necklace and clutch it too, Stephanie Drury and Simone Turkington have a podcast for you to barely stomach. This podcast is a cry for help. That cry is, “We thirst for attention. And cock. But mostly attention.” Stephanie and Simone would like to be thwacked about the face and lips with ample and stately land-owning dongs while wearing fanciful party dresses that nobody can stop talking about. They would like their drinks to be stirred with dongs, their hair to be teased with dongs, and their various whorish shades of lipstick generously applied with dongs. Yours will do just fine. Get in line. These girls take all comers. Whatever the Statue of Liberty says to the boat people, Stephanie and Simone say to dongs.”

“Go give the deaf hell till you’re blue in the face and go show the blind heaven till you drop in your tracks because they’d sooner eat ground glass than swallow the bitter pill that puts roses in their cheeks and a gleam in their eye. Go and do it.” —Frederick Buechner, Peculiar Treasures

octopus garden

Sometimes I make this for dinner and the kids lurve it.
(hot dog + ramen noodles + green food coloring = octopus on seaweed)

dongtini episode 41

On this episode: I’m creeped out by CuddleParty.com, Best Western is bravely admitting their customers cover remote controls with DNA, Christians criticizing other Christians for living in the gray, Simone asks me what if none of this religion stuff is true, spin class rage, the split-level was a horrible assault on architecture, and a listener saw a porn shoot by the side of the highway. Download here or find it on iTunes here.

letter from a concerned follower

Letter #1

John Carpenter, M.Div., Th.M, Ph.D. sent you a message about your petition, Hey Liberty University, Drop Driscoll:

“Leave Mark Driscoll alone. We’re talking a group to see him and we don’t appreciate your attempts to suppress the preaching of God’s Word. Repent.”

Letter #2

“Hi John,

thanks for writing with you concerns about our petition. We are a group dedicated to helping spiritual abuse victims and to seeing Mark Driscoll’s influence significantly decreased.  We are also interested in staying in the room with disagreement and having dialogue with those the church would deem outsiders. Here is our strategy (strategery): I met with social justice groups over the past week after news outlets have failed to pick up any of the spiritual abuse stories coming out of Mars Hill church. We are deeply concerned that Driscoll has a bestselling book on godly marriage while at the same time alarming stories from behind the scenes of his church have been coming out on sites like Jesus Needs New PR and Joyful Exiles and Mars Hill Refuge, to name just three. We’ve emailed major papers and news sites to ask them to spotlight the testimonies of insider experiences coming out of Mars Hill, and the only one who would pick up the story was The Stranger. Not Christianity Today, not any of the Timeses type papers - no one.

So to raise curiosity about a problem (emotional and spiritual devastation coming out of Mars Hill church) that we have seen for years in our community and now spreading nationwide as Driscoll’s fame and Acts 29 church network grows, we need to spark curiosity about what is happening behind the scenes. If demand is created then news outlets will cover these devastating stories of people who were once on the inner circle of Mars Hill church. Since Driscoll is a national bestseller and getting lots of media attention we decided to petition Liberty University to rescind their invite for Driscoll to speak on their campus on April 20th. We think that would get the conservatives and fundamentalists engaged as well. Once the truth is brought to light then healing can begin, as any survivor will tell you.

Thanks for your concern and fight for truth to be exposed for the sake of freedom and healing.

Stephanie Drury, M.A., M.Div., Th.M, Ph.D., DDS, Esq.”

Letter #3

“Hi Stephanie,

By your own admission, your goal is to see ‘Mark Driscoll’s influence significantly decreased’. That comes first. Then you go looking for accusations to help you with that. Please repent of your rumor mongering and find something productive to do.

I don’t believe you care about the ‘truth’ or the sake of Jesus Christ. Please repent and deal with your own problems.

Sincerely,

John B. Carpenter, M.Div., Th.M., Ph.D.”

Letter #4

“I only repent when instructed to do so by properly credentialed authorities. And I think you’re a giant dick, actually.

In his grip,
Stephanie Drury, M.A., M.Div., Th.M, Ph.D., DDS, Esq., WebMD, D.O.N.G”

Letter #5

“Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently:  John B. Carpenter, M.Div., Th.M., Ph.D.”

How do I work this?

Argh.